MARK CUNNINGHAM
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ISSUE DOS!
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[specimen]
When they said they wanted to protect us from the truth, we bristled and said we were self-sufficient in all things. Our meals are Happy! He must have succeeded in re-inventing language, because no one could understand his e-mail. I thought my saying, “Don’t dare to look upon me,” might sound a tad overbearing, so I kept telling her what a nice profile she had. The announcer said that what sounded like white noise was the cheerleaders shaking.
[specimen]
It was empty, but he called it a “trash can.” You can always go infinity one better. Our first act was to claim the Moon for all humankind; our second was to tell the guy on KP duty to stop jumping up and down in the lighter atmosphere. The belief is still there, they said, just in something different. Planes with dead pilots in them have better safety records than planes with live pilots.
[specimen]
The regional manager seemed ruffled when he heard that the illegals could remember pain for more than twenty-six seconds. It was a mirror image, but we couldn’t tell of what. That lemur was so life-like, it had to have been machine-made. They gave me the date and the coordinates, but my shirt still didn’t match. We watched the porn: it does less psychic damage than the Weather Channel.
[specimen]
His main democratic belief was that anyone, anyone, can tighten his own drive belt and avoid costly repair. “Don’t believe everything you think”--I say, anything real enough for William James is real enough for me. Dolphins love to be near humans, but their ultrasound releases endorphins in us, and you still think they’re so smart?
